Confide
by Owl of Nevermore
Summary: Every friendship has to start somewhere. Theirs begun blanketed in darkness during a power cut, with only candlelight for company, when Tess and Joel share secrets of the ghosts of their past.


This was put up once before, then swiftly taken down because I felt I could use it in my other stories. It isn't just a repost, the ending is much different. The old one was fantastic, but I no longer love it. This one feels much more natural and gets the emotional plot across nicely. There is no song to go with this, as I wrote most of it a while back, and the ending parts recently. Enjoy! (And I promise, it won't be taken down again. It's here to stay.)

* * *

 **CONFIDE**

The power had been out for hours, which suited Tess fine. She was in a miserable mood, and the darkness made the shitty little apartment look at least halfway decent. Joel was stumbling about in the kitchen, lighting candles and setting them in empty tin cans. They were an eyesore, but they didn't have the luxury of candlesticks. Those cost too many ration cards, and it was a dumb fucking move sneaking out just to get something that a tin can could do the job of quite well.

"Putting so many around is wasteful," Joel told her, as he set a candle down on the kitchen countertop.

"I don't care," Tess informed him.

"I'm serious, Tess, we could head out and sell a couple of these. Get some decent cards."

"Joel? Shut up will you? I don't care. I can always get Bill to collect some." She didn't mean to snap at him. He was not to blame for her mood, and she knew he wouldn't ever call her out on it. At least, the first snap. When he saw her like that, he usually let her get a few shots in, before calling her out on it.

Joel lit another candle, brought it into the living room/bedroom—because he tended to sleep on the couch most of the time. Set the tin can holder on the nightstand beside their list of merchandise.

"What's wrong?" Joel asked.

"Nothing," Tess replied, in a subdued tone.

"There is. Every power cut, you're quiet and moody all night."

Tess had known Joel only a few years. He was a good guy. Never laid lustful hands on her like some guys—and very few of them lived to tell the tale. To her men were either perverts, stalkers, lapdogs trying to (unsuccessfully) get into her pants, people to make deals with, saps to sell merchandise to for cards, or those that tried to kill her. Joel was different. Loyal. Brave. Kind when she needed it. They were just so in sync. Sometimes she never had to tell him to do anything. He just knew to break a guy's arm, or when to pull the trigger and kill someone in their way.

Tess scooted herself to the edge of the seat, resting her arms on her lap, staring into the flickering dancing glow on the floor, from the light of the candle. "Because, they remind me of my…" Her heart raced at the thought… could she tell him? Was all this respectful gentleman thing of his just some ploy to make her let her guard down, and take advantage? She had come to trust and care for him. The last thing she wanted was to stab him, ditch his body out in the trench outside the wall and move. Scrubbing up blood was a headache.

Not that she was opposed to physical relationships. Those always had to be on her terms. Meaningless, exciting, and the moment the ceased to be it was over, and that guy would never get another chance. Joel meant too much to her to be just some disposable guy for a bit of fun.

"Brother…" That word carried so much weight for her. How long had it been since she last allowed herself to think about him? Say his name? Admit he existed?

Joel remained silent, resting his hand on her back supportively. His touch was supportive, gentle. He knew that look. Judging by her posture, and even a confident woman like Tess could just fade away. Her brother was either infected or dead.

"It was a blackout then, too. He hated curfew. The nights were his favorite—even before. He'd count the stars, and I'd read by flashlight. Or sometimes listen to his stories. He wanted to change the world. End world hunger. Even the outbreak didn't stop him. So, this blackout… he asks me to come up onto the roof with him. Me being the way I am, suggests we sneak out. Head out to the woods for a while. Sleep on the grass, and watch the stars. Fucking stupid idea. Back then I figured, the military would be too busy fixing the power to give a thought to us."

Joel nodded, giving her a sympathetic glance that she didn't see.

Tess raised her hand to her face, tracing her eyelids in a bid to check for tears. The last thing she wanted was to cry in front of him. "Didn't make it past the trenches. Shot him down like a deer. Didn't see it coming. I just ran. Went back the following night to bury him. They had just left him there." Tess turned and leaned into his arm. "I hunted the bastard down who did it, and killed him."

Her hand landed on the broken watch he always wore. Why did he insist on wearing that thing? She had offered him plenty of replacements, and most of them worked. Stubbornly, he kept hold of the broken old thing, that hadn't worked in years.

"I know how you feel…" said Joel. For the first time in about eight years, he told the one story that caused him the most pain. Right from the beginning, from the moment she gave him the watch, until she died in his arms.

Both of them were broken. Hurt and mourning the loss of someone they loved. Tess felt the pain every power cut, and Joel adamantly _didn't_ celebrate his birthday and didn't want to talk about it. Keeping quiet about the pain helped… but sharing it with another broken soul helped. They sat there in a different kind of silence until one by one, the candles went out. Seemed oddly fitting that the lights should go out then. For years, the light that guided either was holding onto a secret they never wanted to tell. The next time the lights went on, their _whatever this was_ between them, it had changed irrevocably.

"How about we go up onto the roof?" Joel offered.

"Seriously, Texas? Did you not listen to me?"

"I heard you. You're right. The military do head out the walls, stopping people from using the power cut to their advantage to sneak out. No one will notice us up on the roof. Besides, it's been too long since I sat under the stars with a lady."

"You'll be waiting a whole lot longer," Tess informed him.

"Eh. You'll do," he quipped.

Sitting under the stars was a good idea. They headed out the apartment, down the dump of a corridor, out the broken window onto the fire escape. Joel gave her a boost up onto the roof. Tess reached down and offered him a hand. They could have walked across the rooftops, and found a better spot. Laying on the roof above their apartment was just as good a place as any. Looking up at the moon and the stars.

"Think that is true?" Joel asked.

"What is?" Tess asked.

"When people die, they go up to the stars, and watch down on us."

"Probably. If I'm going anywhere when I die, it sure as shit won't be up there. I'm guessing plenty of fire and brimstone."

Joel let out a laugh. "Considering I'll probably get there before you, I'll save you a spot."

"You kidding? People are more scared of me than you. I'll probably go first."

"Just like that? No regrets?"

"Oh, I will have regrets. I mean, who doesn't? Maybe not right now, but one day."

"Never a truer word. I'll always regret not being able to save Sarah."

"The one thing I regret…" Tess stole a glance at Joel. His aged face. Time had not been kind to him, down to the pain, stress, and all the shit he had to endure. "Nah, this will sound stupid."

"Tess, tell me? Tonight, there ain't no secrets. Come dawn, none of this happened. I won't breath a word."

Tess took a deep breath, and said it before she could mentally talk herself out of it; "Not doing at least one decent thing since the outbreak."

"You did what you had to do. You could find something to fight for."

"Easier said than done. I just fight."

Watching the stars was much better than hiding away in a dark rat hole bathed in candlelight. When all was silent, and the sky was silent, the world just for a moment belonged to the both of them. Moments like this reminded both of them that even in their fucked up times, it was possible to just forget about that even for a short time.

"Hey Joel, if you could have anything right now, what would it be?"

Joel had to think on that for a minute. Obviously she meant trivial incidental stuff. "A cup of coffee. Black. No cream. No sugar."

"A working lock on the door." Tess gave him a playful slap on the arm. "To stop assholes just walking in the apartment."

Joel had to let out a laugh. "Alright, if we're asking for stuff like that…" He pretended to think for a few seconds. "The love of a woman."

"Only place you'll get that is in your dreams," she replied, pretending to be offended.

"Alright, do over," Joel replied. He gave this one more thought. What else did he possibly want? Most stuff he could live without. Other than a place to sleep and some access to food, the rest was incidental. "A current newspaper to read while drinking that coffee would be nice."

Tess reached over and touched his callused hand. It was more for her than him. Feeling another person there for support. "Thanks Joel. Listening to me, and taking my mind off it all. I haven't had a friend in a long time."

"Me either. I ain't sure I even had that many before," Joel admitted. He patted her hand with the one she wasn't currently grasping hold of. "Hey, can we really do this? Friendship is a massive deal you know." He was totally yanking her chain, making light of the situation to stop them from getting all emotional all over again. One almost bout of tears was more than enough for him.

"We can do this," Tess confirmed.


End file.
